Now that the world has started our New Year, per Gregorian calendar, mine started this past September. Even still, it has been rewarding to pass another milestone in the sands of time.

In September, I began working on a list of goals. One of these goals was getting back into advocating for incarcerated LGBTQ+ persons and offering them friendship. This is something I have actively pursued since 1996. It is a part of me as is breathing.

Writing with incarcerated people and working on advocacy cases gives me the motivation to pull myself out of bed when next to nothing else will. A lot of times, I feel like these friends and clients help me through life more than the other way around.

Surprising to some, these relationships are the healthiest ones I have. Because of my own troubled past, I am easily caught up and ensnared into co-dependent relationships. The ones I have with incarcerated folks are inter-dependent; staying that way even after they are paroled and released.

This brings me to my second goal: working on myself. What makes this challenging is that I don’t have access to mental health resources, so I’m having to get creative. Self-help books that have worked in the past are now on my re-read list. I’m also growing closer with those I feel I can trust to give me honest feedback and advice. I’ve decided to get back in the habit of reading on a regular basis, including just for fun books, so feel free to join me on Goodreads as well.

Time Management from the Inside Out by Julie Morgenstern is very helpful and a great starting point. The second book that’s the most helpful to me is Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward. The language is dated, but the scenarios and advice are not. I haven’t started Toxic Parents yet. It’s a very heavy read, but once I have a daily routine down that invites the head space I need to re-read it, I’ll get started on that one.

The biggest challenges I’m having to push through right now are depression and C-PTSD, which are two of my most debilitating disabilities; even more that my low vision blindness and inability to walk. Having to live in a nursing home compounds all of my daily struggles with all of my disabilities. Due to COVID-related policies, we’re not allowed to leave our rooms except to use the shower room. If a doctor’s appointment is not considered life sustaining, it doesn’t get scheduled.

The closest thing to being able to go outside is to crack a window open since they don’t open more than that. The isolation is daunting. Receiving a letter or email, especially from an incarcerated friend, really makes my day. From one lockdown situation to another, I suppose.

Speaking from personal experience, the situations are comparable, though my incarcerated friends seem to have more freedoms and respect from staff they have to interact with than I do here at the nursing home. I’m just glad to hear from them and interact when we can.

Services like JPay, Inmate Sales, and Corrlinks make it more accessible to us than written letters but there is tech I can use to read those as well. I can’t wait until politicians are back in office so I can work on getting petitions for early release noticed on the behalf of one of my friends.

Until then, I’m working on getting this depression and C-PTSD better managed so I can be more effective this year; both 5781 (Jewish, lunar) and 2021 (Gregorian, solar). Do you have similar goals? What are some of the challenges you’re working through?